Here I go....

This story, this story of my life, has been bubbling up in me. I just need to get it out. Sadly, I must remain anonymous to protect the people around me. The people who are the "bad guys" in my story are also the people that I love. Or should love. My family. In a nutshell? I approached my dad about the sexual abuse when I was a kid, he said he was sorry and how could I forgive him, but then our relationship got very strained, my mom insisted we go to therapy(she didn't know about what was going on), I wasn't going to go to therapy unless we looked at the root of the issue,

• "If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by thte testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15

so I took him to a Christian therapist but we couldn't talk about it because he denied it, so then I brought in my priest and his priest and we all met together, he denied it again and we got nowhere, and now we are not in relationship.

• But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. 1 Corinthians 5:11

He told my siblings I "accused him" of this, they have all ditched me from their lives. I now have 3 kids. (I was pregnant when I took dad to the counselor) and my sister, only 5 minutes away is not talking to me - or rather not supposed to. Her husband doesn't want to have anything to do with me (he's not a Christian). I guess because if I 'made this up' about dad, what would i make up about his kids (13 and 16). I miss them. My brother, well, I could care less. He lives far away. Last time I saw him I told him some of what happened when I was a kid, opened my heart and he looked at me and said "you're a good actress Lala". sigh. Pushed my buttons. He's a priest, you'd think he'd not be such a jerk. I can't believe he was so cold and rude and disrespectful.

My mom. Well. My mom is kinda crazy. Seriously. She was checked out for dementia but they said it was negative. I think she might have been the rogue patient of the test. She, at one point near the beginning, told my husband "I have to choose between my daughter and my husband, so ... take good care of Lala". I was pregnant with my first at the time. He told me in the car what she's said and I had to have him stop the car - I thought I was going to throw up. I couldn't believe she'd disown me. I was about 7 months pregnant.

• ¹⁵ "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
  and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
  Though she may forget,
  I will not forget you! Isaiah 49:15

She has since, only a short time later, brought me back into her life. Of course, without comment on what she'd said to my husband. As if that dagger didn't hit or hurt.

I have 7 month old twin boys, plus the 2 year old. I also have post-partum depression, and therefore need my sleep even more these days. There is much more to the story, the drama is ever-evolving, but for now, goodnight from Lala Land.